Finding Out You're Expecting Twins

The moment is still clear as day in my mind, even two years later.  "Well, I can give you two good reasons why you've been feeling so sick", my doctor said.  I knew it.  I really, truly knew it in my soul before he ever confirmed two sacs, two babies, and two blissful heartbeats.  I was just over six weeks pregnant and at my first ultrasound.  Although it is standard to not have the first ultrasound until 8-10 weeks, I had a history of pregnancy loss and complications so I was scheduled early.  When my first blood test confirmed I was pregnant I had a nice healthy HCG number, but one that was significantly higher than my first count when I was pregnant with my daughter.  "You can't tell anything by the HCG number", the nurse assured me.  I dutifully retested 48 hours later to find not only had my number doubled, as hoped, they more than quadrupled.  Now for some this level of HCG was standard for just one baby, but having a previous singleton pregnancy to compare it to, I knew something was definitely up.  When my third blood test, another 48 hours later, showed growth at the same rate, something clicked deep in my bones that I was having twins.

Finding out you're expecting twins is a surreal experience.  You may have had a long history of struggling getting pregnant, or staying pregnant, and finding out you get not one, but two babies is the like hitting lottery.  Or you may be on the opposite end of the spectrum; completely terrified.  I would like to say I fell somewhere in the middle.  Ecstatic and grateful that I conceived so easily and there were two heartbeats, but instantly slammed by waves of anxiety and worry about how in the world we were ever going to do this.  Here is a quick run down of what went through my head...

We have to move.  I need a new car.  My baby girl is barely one year old, how can we do this to her?  Isn't this high risk?  How will I survive a twin pregnancy while taking care of a toddler and working?  I'll never sleep again.  Thank you God we're going to have three perfect babies!  Oh my God we're going to have THREE babies.  What if I have to exclusively pump again?  My stomach will be destroyed.  I wonder what they'll look like.   How do I feed two babies at once?  What if something happens to one of them?  Or both of them?  

And so on and so on and so on.  That constant loop of questions and thoughts ran through my mind at warp speed, 24 hours a day for the next few months.  I was terrified.  And ecstatic.  And it is the only time in my life I've ever felt both feelings so strongly at the same time.  And let me be the first to tell you, it is normal.  In those early months of my pregnancy I scoured the internet at all hours of the day, trying to find something, anything, that would answer my questions without terrifying me or making me feel even more overwhelmed.  So here is what I wish I would have read back in those early days.


It's going to be okay.  No really, it is.  Almost every aspect of your life is going to change, and that's okay.  It won't all be easy and some of it won't be much fun, but it will also be the greatest joy you will ever know.  And maybe not at first, but you'll get there.  You will figure out how to pay for diapers and what the best way is to feed your babies.  You will figure out which cry belongs to which baby without even looking at them.  You'll come up with a way to wear one baby while you're holding and feeding the other one.  You will figure it all out...and it will all be okay.

Go easy on yourself.  Your body has just been tasked with creating two human beings, at the SAME time!  That is just craziness when you really think about it.  Take it easy as much as possible, as early as possible.  You need to fold baskets of laundry?  Pile it on the bed and do it sitting down.  Your desk chair kills your back?  Talk to your boss about a solution.  You have other children?  Ask your partner/parents/friends/neighbor etc to take them for a bit so you can put your feet up.  It's no secret that a twin pregnancy is rough physically and emotionally.  Doing even the littlest of things to make something easier on yourself is beyond worth it.

Trust your doctors, but also trust your gut.  Because of some of the issues I had in my previous pregnancies I was a ball of nerves, but my doctors never really were.  They were honest and upfront, and certainly conservative, but everyone seemed to think everything was going to turn out just fine.  I learned to trust them and believe them.  That being said, I switched OB practices at the beginning of my second trimester.  I did not have a good experience with the birth of my daughter or with the complications I had after her birth.  I never fully trusted those doctors again, no matter how hard I tried in those early weeks of my twin pregnancy.  After asking around and doing a lot of research, I switched practices and never looked back.  Finding a practice where you like and feel comfortable with the majority of doctors is integral to your well being throughout your pregnancy.  If something doesn't feel right, trust yourself.  You aren't crazy and you are the only one who can advocate for yourself and your babies.

Keep your eye on the prize.  Now for some women, expecting twins is a walk in the park.  They don't have an ounce of morning sickness, no aches and pains, and have to be induced because their babes are just so happy being inside them.  In reality, the shit is going to hit the fan at some point in your pregnancy.  Although twin pregnancies aren't really "high risk" the way they used to be, there will come a point when you feel like you can't go on.  For me that came at about 30 weeks.  I just could not conceive of them staying in me a day longer.  I watched my belly grow day after day and wondered how I would ever recover.  I had never felt such constant pain and discomfort and feel completely helpless to do anything to fix it.  But at the end of the day, the goal is to birth two healthy babies and to keep them inside you for as long as possible.  Motherhood is all about sacrifice, so think of this pregnancy as your first sacrifice for your babies.  And as a former NICU mom, trust me when I say you want to do anything you can make sure your babies are going home with you.  

There are a select few of us who are initiated into the twin mom club.  It's a privilege.  An honor.  And one that is bestowed to the most brave and wonderful mothers.  Congratulations!

Our Twins are Eighteen Months!

Last week Henry and William turned 18 months old and we officially closer to two than one.  This is just....crazytown.  Although obviously I know the age of my children, it almost always blows me away when I stop and think about how old they are.  I suppose I'll always be wondering where he time goes, but anyone with multiples knows that time moves at an even faster speed when there are several young children to juggle at once.  It's just all so fast.  Some days crawl by and others go by in a blink.  As a mom of three toddlers I work so very hard to enjoy the days with my babies.  And let's be real, not every moment is enjoyable.  The moments filled with meltdowns and crying and arguing and clingy babies clawing at my legs are pretty much the opposite of enjoyable.  But! One thing I have gotten very good at is learning to compartmentalize the crappy moments, take some deep breaths, and just power through it.  The amount of sheer joy these two bring into my life makes all of the challenges of raising three kids three and under simply fleeting moments.  They truly are my precious angels.

For posterity sake, here are some fun little details about the boys right now.

Personality: Both boys are loving, sensitive, curious and 100% obsessed with their mama.  Henry loves anything having to do with water and will literally dunk his whole upper body under water in the bath.  I'm pretty sure he would spend all day in there if he could.  William on the other hand abhors the bath and we get him in and out in under a minute.  Both love to be held but the second their feet hit the ground they are unstoppable.

Interests:  Both boys are smitten with Daniel Tiger and Curious George.  William loves to read books and is known to crawl into my lap waving a book around wildly saying "boo boo" asking me to read to him.  And while Henry loves a good book as well, he can be found quietly building towers with blocks or anything he can stack.  Both love building blocks, puzzles, and basically anything on wheels they can ram into a wall.

Routine: I've kept the twins on the same schedule since day one so their routine is pretty much identical.  Here's a quick rundown of their day...

6:15-7:00am: Get each boy up, pile on the couch with milk, a banana and an episode of Daniel Tiger.

7:00-9:00am The boys play while I attend to all of the morning chores and getting everyone ready for the day.  They'll all eat breakfast during this time (or throw it all over the floor) and I try not to go crazy getting everyone safely piled into the car without being late.

9:00-12:00pm  Mornings vary depending on whether or not Reese has school that day.  If she does I usually will run and errand or two with the boys and then take them to a music class at the library or open gym.  We pick Reese up and head home for lunch.  If it is a day that I go into work than we are more likely to stick close to home, but it all depends on how everyone's doing.

12:30/1:00-2:30/3:00pm  NAPS.  All three kiddos take a nap at this time, and let me tell you, mastering a joint nap every day is something I'm quite proud of.  It took a lot of work and it is a lifesaver.  Once everyone is up they'll have a snack, play and get another show or two.  We might also sneak in an errand or trip to the park if the weather is decent.

5:00  Dinner

5:30-7:00 I clean up dinner, the boys play, welcome dad home, and we often race through clean up, bath time, stories, and finally bed.  This is by far the most chaotic time of the day, but it can also be the most fun as it is the only time we're all together.

7:00 BEDTIME!  The boys crash and for the most part sleep through the night (William likes to pull some overnight antics but overall I can't complain).

Being their mama is my pride and joy and I'm so enjoying seeing the little boys they are becoming!

One on One Time

It's not hard to imagine that with three children 3 and under it is close to impossible to find quality alone time with each child.  So much of the day and my time is spent simply meeting the feeding/cleaning/juggling demands of the kids that before I know it we're doing the mad dash through dinner and bed time and I worry if I gave each child enough attention.  Now that Reese is in preschool a couple of days a week I have some alone time with twins.  I wish I could break that time down even more into solo time with each boy but for now I have to steal moments where I can.  Last week I really tried to make and concerted effort to single out each one of the kids and do something fun with them.  One morning after dropping Reese at school the boys and I made our way to the zoo.  We try to make it the zoo a few times a month (we get every penny's worth of our pass!) but I rarely go with just the boys and we had a great time! 

 

 

Now that the twins have dropped their morning nap my one on one time with Reese has really become hard to find. With two wild 17 month olds who are ALL over the place and can't be left unsupervised, it feels nearly impossible to focus my attention solely on Reese for fun time.  But the other day the boys were playing  independently (quiet! happy! gasp!)  so my best girl and I broke out paint and created a few masterpieces.  As I watch Reese transition from the toddler years into the little kid phase, I want to soak up all her sweetness as much as possible.  I made a promise to myself to try harder to carve out this sort of time with her for at least 20 minutes a day (try being the key word here).  Our little 30 minute paint session won't be something I'll soon forget.

 

 

 

 

Feeling stressed trying to divide your attention?  Here are my tips for carving out solo time when you have more than one child.

 

• BE FLEXIBLE.  I have found, in my short few years as a parent, that things rarely go as planned.  If I have a fun activity planned you can bet the house that something will go awry and I'll be bummed that I never got to it, further spiraling me into my end of the day mom guilt.  A couple of kids are playing happily?  Grab the kid who you feel the least connected to recently and do something special together right then and there.

 

• KEEP IT SIMPLE.  Quality time doesn't have to be an outing or even something that costs money.  Reading a book together, drawing, or building blocks together for 10 minutes here and there adds up BIG time throughout the day and can make a huge difference in your relationship with your child as well as your feelings of efficacy as a parent.

 

• SCHEDULE AN OUTING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. This really only works with kids who are a bit older but planning something for a few days away can really add some excitement to an otherwise mundane task.  "Want to take a special trip to Target this weekend, just the two of us?!"  May not be as cool or exciting as the Children's Museum or Zoo, but if you get creative you can make just about any errand special one on one time!