Five on Friday!

Linking up for another Five on Friday and although I had every intention of blogging a bit more this week, life got in the way as it tends to these days.  Very grateful for this link up to keep the wheels in my brain turning...


ONE.
Mamahood is hard...nothing new or earth shattering about that.  This has been one of those weeks where I've lost my cool way more often than I think is acceptable and I've been feeling pretty crummy about that particular aspect of my life. I know toddlers are challenging but I've been disappointed in myself for not doing better.  I'm going out with a girlfriend for drinks after the kids are in bed tonight so I'm really looking forward to that and hoping to hit the reset button in that department.

TWO.
This past weekend Reese's school had a winter festival fundraising event and the kids had a ball.  Reese was so excited to see her friends and teachers, William ran laps around the social hall, and Henry was smitten with Frosty.  It was an adorable event and we were so busy chasing kids we forgot to bid on anything.  Oh well.

THREE.
Apparently I am not getting any younger so I've been trying to make a more proactive attempt at taking care of my skin.  I went to a dermatologist for the first time about three months ago with a slew of questions, particularly about the melasma that I still have a year and half post childbirth.  I also really wanted to know what kind of ingredients I should look for in products to help stave off the fine lines and wrinkles my kids are giving me on the daily.  She recommended products with Hyaluronic Acid so I recently purchased this serum on Amazon.   For less than $15 and plenty of rave reviews I figured it was worth a try.  Will report back if I see a difference!

FOUR.
We are finally, albeit slowly, starting to get our house ready to put on the market.  We don't have too much to do in terms of projects, but our number one item on the agenda is de-cluttering.   We have grandparents coming over this weekend to hang with the kids for a few hours so we can start moving some things to our newly rented storage unit and get real about sorting through things we need to part with.  We have outgrown our house and I still have no idea how we're going to show it while it's full of toys, but surely we are not the first people with young children to sell a home so I'm sure it'll all work out.  But oh boy I'm getting nervous.

FIVE.
I love perusing travel blogs and have decided I'm going to move to Blackberry Farm.  I'm sure my family will join me?  I really could live in any one of these designed spaces, I just love them all.

Finding Out You're Expecting Twins

The moment is still clear as day in my mind, even two years later.  "Well, I can give you two good reasons why you've been feeling so sick", my doctor said.  I knew it.  I really, truly knew it in my soul before he ever confirmed two sacs, two babies, and two blissful heartbeats.  I was just over six weeks pregnant and at my first ultrasound.  Although it is standard to not have the first ultrasound until 8-10 weeks, I had a history of pregnancy loss and complications so I was scheduled early.  When my first blood test confirmed I was pregnant I had a nice healthy HCG number, but one that was significantly higher than my first count when I was pregnant with my daughter.  "You can't tell anything by the HCG number", the nurse assured me.  I dutifully retested 48 hours later to find not only had my number doubled, as hoped, they more than quadrupled.  Now for some this level of HCG was standard for just one baby, but having a previous singleton pregnancy to compare it to, I knew something was definitely up.  When my third blood test, another 48 hours later, showed growth at the same rate, something clicked deep in my bones that I was having twins.

Finding out you're expecting twins is a surreal experience.  You may have had a long history of struggling getting pregnant, or staying pregnant, and finding out you get not one, but two babies is the like hitting lottery.  Or you may be on the opposite end of the spectrum; completely terrified.  I would like to say I fell somewhere in the middle.  Ecstatic and grateful that I conceived so easily and there were two heartbeats, but instantly slammed by waves of anxiety and worry about how in the world we were ever going to do this.  Here is a quick run down of what went through my head...

We have to move.  I need a new car.  My baby girl is barely one year old, how can we do this to her?  Isn't this high risk?  How will I survive a twin pregnancy while taking care of a toddler and working?  I'll never sleep again.  Thank you God we're going to have three perfect babies!  Oh my God we're going to have THREE babies.  What if I have to exclusively pump again?  My stomach will be destroyed.  I wonder what they'll look like.   How do I feed two babies at once?  What if something happens to one of them?  Or both of them?  

And so on and so on and so on.  That constant loop of questions and thoughts ran through my mind at warp speed, 24 hours a day for the next few months.  I was terrified.  And ecstatic.  And it is the only time in my life I've ever felt both feelings so strongly at the same time.  And let me be the first to tell you, it is normal.  In those early months of my pregnancy I scoured the internet at all hours of the day, trying to find something, anything, that would answer my questions without terrifying me or making me feel even more overwhelmed.  So here is what I wish I would have read back in those early days.


It's going to be okay.  No really, it is.  Almost every aspect of your life is going to change, and that's okay.  It won't all be easy and some of it won't be much fun, but it will also be the greatest joy you will ever know.  And maybe not at first, but you'll get there.  You will figure out how to pay for diapers and what the best way is to feed your babies.  You will figure out which cry belongs to which baby without even looking at them.  You'll come up with a way to wear one baby while you're holding and feeding the other one.  You will figure it all out...and it will all be okay.

Go easy on yourself.  Your body has just been tasked with creating two human beings, at the SAME time!  That is just craziness when you really think about it.  Take it easy as much as possible, as early as possible.  You need to fold baskets of laundry?  Pile it on the bed and do it sitting down.  Your desk chair kills your back?  Talk to your boss about a solution.  You have other children?  Ask your partner/parents/friends/neighbor etc to take them for a bit so you can put your feet up.  It's no secret that a twin pregnancy is rough physically and emotionally.  Doing even the littlest of things to make something easier on yourself is beyond worth it.

Trust your doctors, but also trust your gut.  Because of some of the issues I had in my previous pregnancies I was a ball of nerves, but my doctors never really were.  They were honest and upfront, and certainly conservative, but everyone seemed to think everything was going to turn out just fine.  I learned to trust them and believe them.  That being said, I switched OB practices at the beginning of my second trimester.  I did not have a good experience with the birth of my daughter or with the complications I had after her birth.  I never fully trusted those doctors again, no matter how hard I tried in those early weeks of my twin pregnancy.  After asking around and doing a lot of research, I switched practices and never looked back.  Finding a practice where you like and feel comfortable with the majority of doctors is integral to your well being throughout your pregnancy.  If something doesn't feel right, trust yourself.  You aren't crazy and you are the only one who can advocate for yourself and your babies.

Keep your eye on the prize.  Now for some women, expecting twins is a walk in the park.  They don't have an ounce of morning sickness, no aches and pains, and have to be induced because their babes are just so happy being inside them.  In reality, the shit is going to hit the fan at some point in your pregnancy.  Although twin pregnancies aren't really "high risk" the way they used to be, there will come a point when you feel like you can't go on.  For me that came at about 30 weeks.  I just could not conceive of them staying in me a day longer.  I watched my belly grow day after day and wondered how I would ever recover.  I had never felt such constant pain and discomfort and feel completely helpless to do anything to fix it.  But at the end of the day, the goal is to birth two healthy babies and to keep them inside you for as long as possible.  Motherhood is all about sacrifice, so think of this pregnancy as your first sacrifice for your babies.  And as a former NICU mom, trust me when I say you want to do anything you can make sure your babies are going home with you.  

There are a select few of us who are initiated into the twin mom club.  It's a privilege.  An honor.  And one that is bestowed to the most brave and wonderful mothers.  Congratulations!

Five on Friday!

Happy Friday! I'm linking up again for Five on Friday and have quite the hodge podge of thoughts.

1.  We have had the most random weather this week, which is really nothing new for Cincinnati.  We took full advantage this week and squeeze in some outside play time, long walks, and jumping in puddles.  Naturally.

2.  I've mentioned before that working out at home is my main method for getting in workouts these days.  I've heard such mixed reviews about the Tracy Anderson Method, so I started doing a few of her dance cardio and mat workout videos that I found on Youtube.  Surprisingly I have (mostly) liked them, so I added them into my rotation.  If you have any rhythmic or dance inclinations, you may like her dance cardio videos.  The mat method is unique and takes some getting used to.  I haven't really decided if it's worth my time or not but I'm giving it a shot.

3.  William and Henry turned 19 months this week and they are simply delectable.  They are witty, funny, adventurous, completely different and oh so loving.  Their mama attachment is at an all time high right now which is making things a little treacherous, but they are so sweet and bring so much joy to us.

4.  I may be one of the cheapest people you will ever meet and I will pretty much never pay full price for anything, particularly something for myself.  A Gap location near us is closing and I scored these gold ballet flats for $5...originally $60.  Turns out going up a shoe size after pregnancy had some perks!  

 

5.  So, this happened today eh?  I have no political commentary to offer but I have to laugh at all the children whining and fussing in the background as their grandfather signs official papers to become the President of the United States.  Ivanka and her husband are passing a crabby baby back and forth and exchanging the dreaded "shit, what do we do?!" look that only parents have burned into their eyes.

Kids really just don't care.

Happy weekending!

Day In The Life Winter 2017

*BIG thanks to Julia for hosting this! I absolutely love DITL posts and seeing how others spend their days.


Tom is 34 years old

Melissa is 35 years old

Reese is 3 years old (just about 3.5)

Henry and William are 19 months

Lily dog is 6 years old

6:05am // alarm goes off and apparently I hit snooze…wonderful.  Tom got up extra early to workout so he’s downstairs finishing up.  

6:10am // I hear “mommy? Mommy?” over the monitor so apparently the Ok to Wake! clock set for 6:30 means zip to Reese.  Since this is a work morning for me I need to get in the shower asap before the twins are up, which will be any minute.  I tell Reese she can come hang in our room while I shower.  I jump in the shower, which is basically a 3 minute sprint.  As I step out I hear the boys chirping not so happily over the monitor and begin fielding 101 questions from Reese. And so it begins.  I chastise myself for not getting up early to work out and shower before the kids get up...which seems to be a daily thing for me now.    I quickly throw on some comfy clothes and start to get the boys up.  Tom hears us and comes up to help get twins up.  

6:30am// Change diapers, pass out milk cups, and plop on the couch for a morning show.  My kids generally are on the crankier side in the morning and I find a little screen time helps them ease into their day.  Reese digs into cereal and a cup of milk and seems quite content.  The boys pile on my lap and they share a banana, Lara bar, and Greek yogurt.  This is what I like to call their morning snack as they'll be hungry again in approximately 75 seconds.  Tom hangs with us until he needs to head upstairs to shower and get dressed.   Once the kids are content I pour my coffee and make a smoothie for the kids to share.   Forget to feed myself.

7:00am//  TV is off and everyone disperses to play while I do my hair and makeup.  The only way this works is if I get ready in the dining room where I can keep my eyes on everyone.  I have to stop several times and grab a baby from doing whatever thing it is they're not supposed to be doing (dumping out diapers from the bin is a favorite this morning). Also plenty of stops for tickles, hugs and kisses. The boys are at the most delectable age (save for the tantrums) and I just cannot get enough of them. 

Once I'm semi-presentable we all head upstairs to get dressed.  This is a chaotic time and definitely my least favorite part of the morning.  I laid out the kids' clothes the night before but no matter how prepared I am mornings always seem to throw curveballs. Reese has several strong opinions about the clothes she picked out the night before and takes me to task on every.single.thing. as I get her ready.  Clothing is not one of the battles I like to engage in, as in I don’t force her to wear things that match or that I personally prefer, but I draw the line when it comes to wearing clothes that are clean and weather appropriate.  I try to keep my cool and work with her on getting ready which is particularly difficult as William and Henry are making their way through every room in a tornado like fashion, trying to throw things in the toilets, and just being the adorably mischievous rascals they are.  After several rounds of negotiations and some serious deep breathing on my part we reach a compromise.  I throw some clothes on the boys (yay for babies with zero clothing opinions as of yet!) and they all follow me like little ducklings into my room and make themselves comfy on my bed.  I'm distracted by the fact that all three kids are laughing and playing together...nicely. 

I know tears are inevitable within a few minutes but this sure is nice when it happens.  Tom pops in a few times to tickle and play with them all while trying to keep grubby baby hands off his freshly cleaned suit.  Always a gamble on his part☺  I hurriedly flip through my clothes, none of which are particularly exciting to me, but such is life.  I settle on my outfit, pick up the twins and Reese follows as we all head back downstairs

8:00am// Tom says his goodbyes and heads out for work.  Reese claims she doesn't want breakfast because she ate breakfast yesterday, which is fine with me because she seems I have forgotten about the cereal and smoothie she had an hour ago.  The boys run to their high chairs and start pulling them out; their subtle way of telling me they're hungry.  I heat up banana pancakes leftover from the batch I made yesterday and they go to town.  I realize I'm getting pretty crabby and decide it's time to feed myself...wheat toast and peanut butter. I dutifully log it into My Fitness Pal, which is the only way I can keep on top of what I'm eating and making sure I'm hitting my goals each day. I really can't wait until the day I don't feel the need to do this, but for now I've got to keep my eye on the prize.

While the twins are contained in their high chairs and Reese is busy giving her dolls much needed medical attention ("mommy her stuffing is ripped and I must help her boo boo wight NOW!) I clean up the kitchen, run the dishwasher, and pack up leftovers from last night’s white chicken chili for my lunch today.  I check the weather and email and get my bag and Reese's backpack prepped and set out by the back door.  We are actually ready to roll ahead of schedule so I let Lily out, pick up some toys and go through yesterday's mail. I administer my series of head’s up to Reese that we have to leave soon but she is so engrossed in giving her baby a checkup she doesn’t seem to hear me.  

8:30am// My mom (Nana) arrives and the kids are delighted.  She watches all three one afternoon a week and watches the twins one morning a week (today) while I work and Reese does an extended lunch hour at school. I clean up the boys’ breakfasts and chat with my mom as I get Reese's coat on and kiss the babies goodbye.  

Can't take your eyes off William the Conqueror for a second...

8:45am// Reese and I are in the car on our way to school.   This is only the second week with our new schedule and she loves loves loves the fact that on Thursdays "just Reese and mommy drive to school with NO brothers!"  Somehow we’re early in the car line so she jumps in the front seat and we engage in some car shenanigans until the teachers come out.  As much of a challenge this age is and how much I look forward to her school time, there is always a little lump in my throat when I drive off.  Living in the post Sandy Hook era, where much of our world is essentially a dumpster fire, has changed me profoundly.  No matter how stressful the morning can be and how many tantrums we work through, I work constantly to not take the bait and to make sure she knows how insanely and fiercely loved she is before her little feet step out of the van.  And no matter how crazy she has made me, I count down to the minutes until she is running out the door and I get to pick her up, even when that means resuming the crazy-making all over again.  Motherhood is nuts, ya know? Or maybe it's just me? Don't know.

After Reese heads in with her class I put on extremely non-kid friendly and enjoy the brief drive into work, sans children.  What can I say, I like to live on the edge.

I have extremely refined taste in music.

9:15am-12:45pm// work work work.  I am a mental health counselor and work with children, ages 5-18.  I work for a nonprofit mental health agency and we have a school onsite as well.  I currently have a very small caseload but for now it is what works best for our family.  I plan to continue to add back hours in the years to come, particularly when the twins start preschool and then elementary school.  But for now this arrangement is working about as well as I can hope.  I owe 100% of this to my mom and her willingness to hang with my babies.  Childcare for three toddlers is outrageous and not nearly worth it to us right now.  This allows me to continue staying relevant professionally, keeping my state license active, and provides me a respite and purpose outside of being "Mom".  Anyway, I see a few clients at our school and a few outpatient clients as well.  Since I am a "flex" therapist, I am contracted through my agency now that I'm no longer a full time employee.  There are several pros and cons to this set up but for now, the pros far outweigh the cons so we will roll with it as long as we can. I cannot beat the flexibility and getting to make my own schedule.  And no real pictures to show for this because of pesky little things HIPAA! CONFIDENTIALITY!

Lately Reese has been asking me to take pictures of myself whenever I leave the house and apparently she totally digs the purple walls in my work bathroom....so selfie for the little one.

In addition to seeing clients I take a bit of time to plan out my work schedule for the rest of the month and tackle my personal/family calendar for the next few weeks. I make a note to find a seamstress to alter my bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding, which is in just a few months. My mom texts me that William feels warm and has a runny nose.  Dear God I cannot handle one more kid virus right now….really praying it is due the bizarre mood swings of our Midwest winter weather.  My poor little buddy.

12:45pm// Pack up and head out to pick up Reese. I'm a few minutes early so I paint my nails while I'm waiting. If you ever see me with decent looking nails there's a 95% chance I painted them while sitting in my car since it's pretty much the only time I'm not holding a child. As much as I'd love to frequent the salon for manicures or pedicures it just doesn't jive with my life right now. So cheap DIY manicures in the car will have to do.

I see the rectory door open and all the little ones pile out, eagerly looking for their caregivers. I hear Reese shrieking "mommy! mommy! I have to tell you what I did today! I rode a bike! I painted! I ate my lunch!" and so on and so on. I absolutely love these ridiculously long stream of thought conversations with her and I pick her up and squeeze her tight. We head home where my mom has just put the boys down for the naps. The three of us chat for a bit but Reese is clearly wiped out from her extended day so I bring her up for a nap and my mom heads out. <THANK YOU MOM xBILLION> Reese's naps are pretty hit or miss these days which I'm guessing is pretty standard for being almost 3.5 years old, but she is sound asleep within in minutes today. It's only a matter of time before William or Henry stir so I get to work unloading the dishwasher, my work bag, Reese's backpack and spend some time tidying up. There's just always something to be done!

Reese is going to be the Star Student of the Week next week...I cannot wait for this adorableness.

1:30pm// Everyone is napping...can I get a hallelujah. I use this time to catch up on paperwork from my time at work this morning. Since almost all of my time in the office is spent seeing clients I do the back end of all my non-clinical work at home. This is the best way I can maximize my time in the office for it to make financial sense. I also spend a little time perusing the MLS as we are planning to sell our home and move to the burbs in just a few short months.

2:45pm// William is up shrieking and not in a happy way.  This really makes me nervous considering my mom's text about him seeming under the weather. As I head up to get him the baby monitor cycles and I see Reese is up so I grab her after picking up William.  The kids have their own rooms so Henry was able to sleep through but I'm guessing not for long.  Reese is a bit of a disaster and it's not even fair to photograph her at this point. She's instantly furious that I'm holding William and demands I put him down.  Not off to a good start.  I carry both her and William downstairs and as soon as I try to set down either child they both lose it.  Which is really great since Henry is up and I need to grab him.  Can I just say how much this part of the day always sucks?  Ever since the twins were born the 3:00pm time frame has always been like juggling knives.  Reese would be waking up from her nap, clingy and in need of cuddles, right at the same time I would need to pump and give the boys their 3:00 feeding.  Fast forward a year to now and although things aren't nearly as brutal, it's still a prickly transition in the day.  I distract William and Reese with a snack and I run up to grab Henry. We all play in the living room for a bit.  Everyone seems to calm down and come out of the nap time fog, but Reese has a cough and runny nose and both Henry and William have runny noses, so I scrap the idea of an afternoon outing and decide to stay home.   Throwing up all kinds of prayers for healthy kids.

3:30pm// The kids are allowed screen time and settle on Mickey and then Daniel Tiger.  I contemplate whether or not the kids will let me get away with cooking something new for dinner or if I should just do salads with what we have in the fridge.  Tom and I text about some things going on at work for him and I text with my mom and my brother about his upcoming wedding.  I also zone out for a few and scroll Instagram and FB but I try to be good about not always being on my phone around the kids.  I realize I'm starving so I make a protein smoothie (vanilla whey, 1/3 banana, PB2, ice and water).  Henry and William also force feed me goldfish crackers while laughing maniacally.  Rascals.

The boys lose interest pretty quickly in the show and play happily with me on the floor in the living room.  We break out the Foamnasium blocks and bean bag pillow and they have a ball throwing themselves all over.  Henry and William have such different personalities and it is such a trip to watch how each of them play and learn in such different ways...just one of those unique bonuses that come with raising twins I suppose.

4:15pm// TV is off and Reese decides to color.  She has been bringing home some masterpieces from school so I encourage her creativity as much as possible.  The boys play and try make taco (er fajita?) bowls for dinner while stealthily supervising the children.  If I'm on the ball i have the majority of our dinners planned out for the week.  I feel like most of January has just been an endless run of recovering from the holidays and the stomach bug that plagued our house, so I'm only semi-on the ball so to speak.

I literally cannot go into the kitchen without both William and Henry following me immediately like little magnets.  They play at my feet or screech for me to hold them....more likely screeching and screaming than playing but today they aren't too pissed at me for abandoning them to make a meal.  Because of this making dinner has been a real challenge for me and is now yet another thing I try to prep ahead of time as much as possible.  

5:15pm// I get the kids all set up for dinner and per usual, everyone seems hungry.  Reese has specifically asked for leftover macaroni and a cheese that she doesn't have to share with her brothers, which is fine since there's really only one serving left anyway.  Everyone munches on yellow bell peppers and carrots while I cut up respective dinners....mac and cheese for her and homemade pizza from two nights ago for the boys.  I feel slightly bad about giving them leftovers but I hate throwing away food at the end of the week and right now the twins are basically bottomless pits and happy to eat just about anything.

While the kids eat I wash some dishes, straighten up and open a couple packages that arrived.  I don't know why but I just love mail with my kids' names on it.  

6:00pm // The children are finished eating and I get them cleaned up and out of their seats.  This also means I have to clean the floor, which is just crazy with twins.  No matter how well they eat there is always a mess to clean up.  We open a fun package for Henry (a belated Christmas present) from his godmother and start picking up the living room and kitchen.  The boys finished dinner about 15 minutes ago and are already in the kitchen asking for rice cakes.  The grocery bills these two run up actually scare me.  Tom gets home right around this time and we're all so happy to see him.  We all play and Reese requests to make tea with Tom, so they head to the kitchen to make some hot tea, which is just about the sweetest thing ever.  The boys and I read books and they finish up their milk before putting their jammies on.  Around this time Tom and I each sneak off to the kitchen to make ourselves a plate for dinner and take turns inhaling our food.  Standard.

7:00pm// Tom and I each grab a baby and Reese leads the way as we take the boys up to bed.  When I was pregnant with the twins I just assumed they would sleep in the same room, which they did for the first four months.  Henry began to sleep longer and more soundly on his own and when he dropped his overnight feedings before William did, we had to put them in separate rooms.   Much to my dismay William still pulls some overnight shenanigans every now and again and honestly I'm so tired I've kind of given up.  More often than night he sleeps through the night but his sleep is considerably more fragile than Henry's. 

The original trio head back downstairs to finish picking up toys, straightening up and washing dishes.  Reese and I read some stories and play with Snapchat filters (full disclosure: I literally understand nothing about Snapchat!)

7:30pm// Usually Reese showers/bathes nightly but we skipped it tonight so she could stay up a little longer to read.  Sometimes it's really clear when she needs more one on one time and today was one of those days.  After we wash up and brush her teeth we snuggle in bed for one more story.  We check and double check nightlights, fan, and noise machine and despite her protests of "I NOT tired at all mommy and daddy!" we closed the door and she laid down.  All the praise hands.

8:00pm//  Collapse on the couch!  Usually on Thursday I go to 8:00 boot camp but I'm starting to feel achy and a bit worn down, so I decide to use today as my off day and rest.  I've nailed my workouts so far this week so I'm not at all feeling bad about it.  Tom and I sit next to each other with dueling laptops and watch Trump's speech at the Campaign Donors Dinner.  I still really, truly, cannot wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow he is our president.   I do a little work and online shopping for gifts for several weddings we have coming up this spring.  I am so excited for my family and friends who are marrying...it's such a fun and special time!

9:30pm// I am fighting to keep my eyes open so I shut down and head up to bed.  Tom will stay up for awhile longer but I just can't hang.  I also never really know what kind of sleep I'm going to get (ahem...William and Reese) so I've learned my lesson about staying up late.  I scroll through Instagram and Facebook and start looking at pictures I took today before giving in going to sleep.  

10:30pm// William starts crying but not fully awake...which lasts on and off for ten minutes and he's back to sleep.  This is a pretty regular occurrence so I'm used to it...well as used to it as I'm going to be.  I've really tried everything with him when it comes to sleep but overall we are in a much better place then we used to be, so I'll take it.

5am// Reese is up and wants help going potty and mercifully falls back to sleep until about 6:10...just a few minutes before the twins are up to start the fun all over again!